


Always Keep Fighting

by TaymeeLove



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas saves Reader, Crowley kidnaps Kevin, Dean and Sam go to Purgatory, F/M, Reader-Insert, depressed reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-04-20 01:27:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4768376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaymeeLove/pseuds/TaymeeLove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You just saw Dean, your boyfriend, stab dick through the neck, next thing you know he and Sam both disappear, Cas flies off to God knows where, and Crowley comes and takes Kevin away telling you that you are 100% truly alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always Keep Fighting

“Crowley was right. I am alone. I can’t handle this.” You cry to yourself in your hotel room. “He’s probably already killed Kevin and I’m never going to be able to see him again. I think Cas went to heaven, so he was probably killed by the angels. Sam and Dean are God knows where and they aren’t coming back either. What’s the point?” You decide to go to the liquor store and buy the most expensive bottle of whiskey you can find and a pack of cigarettes. “When this bottle is gone, so am I.” You say to yourself when you get back to your hotel room. You light up a cigarette and start to drink the whiskey out of the bottle not even caring about pouring it into a cup. The bottle is gone and so are half the pack of cigarettes, you pull out your knife and slit your wrists. As you fall you make a big crash and the person in the room next to you calls the police to check on you, when they get there they find you barely conscious and rush you to the hospital. You wake up a few days later strapped to a bed with bandages on your wrist and a huge headache. “Damn it, I can’t even die properly, I’ve been hanging out with the Whichester’s for too long.”  
“Y/N, I found you. I’ve been looking all over for you.” You hear a voice say as you blink the tears out of your eyes so you can see, it’s Cas.  
“Where the hell have you been? I prayed for you. I was all alone. I had no one. You were supposed to be here to protect me!” You say in an angry yet sad voice.  
“I’m sorry. I realized what was going to happen to Sam and Dean when they stabbed Dick, so I left to find a way to get them out.” Cas answers to you, his face full of sadness for leaving you alone.  
“What do you mean ‘what was going to happen’? They died, that’s what happened. I tried to join them but obviously that didn’t work.” You say moving your hands up so Cas would see that you were strapped to the bed with bandages.  
“They went to purgatory with Dick. I went back up to heaven to find a back door in to save them. I’m still looking but I was told you were here and came to heal you have take you with me to help look.” Cas said as he moved toward you to heal you.  
“No, don’t, these cuts are the only thing that I have to remind me of Dean, I need them to help remind me to look. I know you won’t get it, but now that I know that he… That he and Sam aren’t dead, I need them to help push me forward but always remember where I came from.” You say, hoping the very human emotions of the statement didn’t get lost in translation with Cas.  
“Okay, but I can not heal the scars later. You will have to live with them, and you know Dean will be angry.”  
“Screw his feelings. He left me all alone, how was I supposed to know all he did was go to monster heaven.” You say angrily.  
“Okay, well let’s get you out of these and start looking.” Cas said as he reached for the cuffs that were around your ankles and wrists. He undid them and flew you to Dean’s Car. “Let’s get started. I found a possible lead in Tennessee.”  
After months and months of searching for the door to purgatory with no luck, you and Cas went to the bar and shared stories of fun times Cas and you had had with Dean. After getting completely wasted you go back to the hotel with Cas, you stared at his big blue eyes filled with pain; not pain for him but pain for you, he could see how much it hurt you to not have Dean by your side, you got up on your tippie toes and gave him a kiss, it took him a few seconds to pull away but he did.  
“I… I can’t. Dean will be back and he won’t like it if we did anything. Why don’t we just grab another beer and lay on the hood of the car and watch the stars, like what Dean and you would do.” He said with pain in his voice. You two started making a nightly tradition of having a beer on the hood of the car and cuddling, two beers if the door didn’t work.  
A couple more months pass and he finally called, you were asleep so he left a message. “Y/N, we’re back. I’m back.” You felt horrible when you woke up that you missed it, you were asleep in Cas’ arms which made the sting of him having to leave a message hurt even more.  
“Baby? Are you really back?” You said when he answered when you called back.  
“Yes. I’m at Bobby’s cabin in Daphne, Alabama and I’m starving. Please bring food and new clothes.” He sounded so cold. Like it hadn’t been a year since he’s seen you, like he had only just seen you yesterday but ended up away from you somehow.  
You brought Dean and Sam their favorite shirts and gave them a huge hug. You made sure you had pecan pie, you even stopped at 3 gas stations before finally finding some at a local grocery store, you knew Sam would want a salad so you bought some of that too, and of course beer.  
Dean wanted to hop right back into hunting, but Sam convinced him that they needed a break. You could tell that purgatory had done something to Sam and Dean, but couldn’t put your finger on it. You were just glad you had your boyfriend back and knew he’d need a few days to get used to being back. You opted out of telling him about the kiss with Cas, it was your dirty little secret that should never be said, Cas agreed to keep his mouth shut until you were ready which came sooner than you expected.  
A few weeks later you and the boys were on a hunt, a good old fashion one too, a werewolf. You finished the hunt, confused at why the boys let the girl go, you invite them to go to the bar with you for a few drinks like old times. You could tell they didn’t really want to but didn’t put up to much of a fight, you had drank so much while they were away that your tolerance was stronger than theirs, but you still got hot in the bar and rolled up your sleeves. Dean gave you a sideways glance wanting to say something but he didn’t, he gave Sam a look to ask if he saw too, you realized they were looking at you weird and you looked down at your wrists the bright pink scars against your tanned skin stuck out like a sore thumb. You quickly rolled your sleeves back down and asked for another round.  
“What the hell is this?!” Dean asked as he rolled up your sleeves grabbing your wrists when you got back to the motel.  
“I… I…” You stutter trying to find the right words. “I didn’t think anyone was alive. You all left me. I just wanted to end it all to be with you again. I wanted to feel your touch. I needed to feel your touch again…” You trail off as you began to cry.  
“I’m always with you if you just believe I am,” He said as he let go of one of your wrists and put it to your chest over your heart. “I’m right here with you. Every day, every night. No matter how far apart we are, just look inside your heart and I’ll always be there.” He gave you a small kiss on your mouth. It wasn’t the longest kiss you had had but it was the one with the most feeling. You could feel that he was sad for you.  
“I know…”  
“No, you don’t know. I’m always going to be with you. I need you to always keep fighting even when we’re apart. Even when everything is trying to tell you to stop, I need you to keep going.” He said with tears filling his eyes up. He blinked a few times before some fell. He just grabbed you in his arms and held on to you as you both just cried your eyes out.  
Should I tell him about Cas? He’s already upset at me what’s a little more going to do?  
“Dean, I’m Sorry. I….”  
“Shhh. I get it. You don’t have to apologize.” Dean cut you off. “Why didn’t Cas heal you?”  
“I told him not too. I needed the scars to remember you. It was all I had left of you.”  
You just stared into each other’s eyes in silence for a few moments before you started to feel even worse. This secret tryst had been eating you alive.  
“I need to tell you something.” You said, gently pushing his shoulder to sit down on the bed. You paced a few steps back and forth trying to find the words, Dean was staring at you with big eyes trying to read your mind. “Cas and I while you were away…” You looked at his eyes for a cue to go on. “…uhm. While you were a way, Cas and I kissed. It was nothing, he pushed me away…” You trail off trying to find the words again, and whipping tears from your eyes. Dean gave his ‘and go on’ look. “…He said you wouldn’t like if we did anything. So we didn’t, other than cuddle just to feel something other than isolation but I needed to tell you that, it was killing me to keep it a secret.  
Dean stared at you for a few seconds, studying your face. He still loved you with all his heart, but you could say purgatory had made his heart shrink a few sizes.  
“Baby, I get it. It’s okay. I can’t tell you if I wouldn’t have done the same thing if you were in purgatory. But it was just a kiss right?” He said.  
“Yes. Yes it was, just a kiss.”  
“Cas, come here!!” Dean yelled, your heart jumped worried what he would do next.  
“Hello, Dean.” Cas said with his sideways smile and a little bow.  
“What do you have to say?”  
“I’m sorry Dean. She imprinted her feelings of you onto me for a moment. she needed someone to love, she needed to feel something. But it was just a kiss and some cuddling.”  
“Okay. Where’d you go anyways? After I got back. You didn’t come see us with her.”  
“I heard Kevin yell for me, so I went to get him. He’s outside right now.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank You For Reading, You... You are a loverly people :D  
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> or.  
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> 
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